The First Assignment

(Written in 2009)

This Assignment was given by Mentor Rebelangelbitch-(Fetlife Name but Real time friend and Mentor)

She wanted to know what makes me tick… Here is that assignment:

Justy’s First Assignment

What is it this girl wants…

I want to know without fear or doubt that I am owned. That it is understood the gift I give, in giving all of myself.

With all of my previous abuse to be able to have someone to give it freely too is more powerful then I believe some realize.

To have a trust with anyone with my life is a huge big step.

It is my desire and a burning in the depths of my soul and belly that has caused me to pick and allow the wrong ones to take advantage of that gift.

I have longed for it for so long I foolishly allowed others to get close to having my full submission. In this walk of 13 years plus in knowing this is a lifestyle and seeking to find more answers I allowed one to totally have my submission and it is indescribable how it felt in doing that yet so is the pain that was caused when we parted.

Things that make me tick… things I crave.. I will try to list it but as anyone in this life that is true to themselves and this life know it is more sooo much more than a check list.

1.) Collared.. having the moment (even in training) that someone cares enough to take me the way that I am and train me. To not wait until I am already fixed but to take me as I am, collar me, possess me. To show me they are not giving up and have taken the commitment to make me theirs.

2.) Rules. Not just a list that I read and get all tingly because they took the time to make them but to have rewards and punishment followed through on. No one likes a harsh punishment but I know it will take that to prove to me there are serious. If you make a rule to be shaven… follow through on the things you expect or would like done

3.) Get my attention.

a.) It to me is not mean to be spoken directly to looking me in the eye and being stern enough that I look away and feel the emotion of letting go and submitting to the one speaking to me.

b.) Grab my hair. Not just yank it out but to entangle nearly their fingers in my hair and in a since put me in my place by taking the physical control.

c.) When I fly off the handle and in obvious uncontrollable fury.. get my attention. Grab my arm, shoulders… whatever it takes to bring me down to my place.

d.) In a crowded room.. a look, and expression.. a “girl I see you and could have you if I so choose right this moment” look.

e.) Take possession of my body. Use me. Take me. Bind me.. show me the control.

4.) Implement lifestyle things into my life. Pillow, leash, names, words, bondage, collar/commitment ceremony, rules, punishment, floggings, rewards, furniture restriction, choose my clothes, my bedtime, my activities. (Not do all my thinking but be stern in my asking permission and sometimes saying no to remind me it is ultimately the Dom/me’s choice.

5.) Help me have the mindset that I’ve given up the control. Scenes and daily living reminders. Munches, Bondage garage, use me. Discuss limits and help me seek where they are and how to overcome them or the fear of them if they are within reason. Not crossing over hard limits.

6.) Train me. Actually take the time to find something you want / EXPECT (that’s a BIG expect something from me) and then train me how you want me. Be stern when I cross the line.

7.) Be fair. Consider all the things in the vanilla life involved but do not be too easy on me. I do not want a mush bucket I can control or to top from the bottom.

8.) Active journal. I’d love to have it said and put on me to journal..but to have it read and comments made on my journal that I know has been read and some serious thought put into it to incorporate that communication.

9.) Protocol. Expect a Ma’am/Sir. Demand it. It isn’t going to wound, hurt or shock someone for respect to be shown. Remind me. Tell me. Expect it. Demand it. Punishment for not doing it even (I’m that serious) I like third person in typing and talking.

10.) Hidden control. Under the clothes bondage. Things that when I am away.. Reminder’s of my place.

11.) Protect me, care for me, show in public places that I am owned or taken. I love the leash rules in the online “rules”. I’d like them implemented and enforced.

(Stole this from another subbies site a long time ago)

“I do not want to be the leader, I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me; always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, o God as a woman, I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his biding.”

~Anais Nin, diary entry, 1932~